July 2017 was my last post. OK, so I’m not a serious blogger! I really don’t like that term…I really see myself more as a “sharer”! I like to share with other’s! I like to be an encourager. I like to be a prayer-er! I like to be a leader. I like to be a cooker….as in serve meals for others. I like to make people feel good. I’ve sat down to write a post more times than I can count, but I really don’t have much to say….or, do I?! OK, yah, I always have a lot to say! I did have a friend recently ask me to write more. She thinks I have great wisdom! She must be very sheltered! ha, ha! So, where do I start? Well, since my last post talked about my husband and his illness, I guess an update is a good place to start!
He’s doing “ok”! As I mentioned, he has a progressive, terminal lung disease. So, by “ok”, I mean he is not worse, but he is not better either. He hasn’t had any hospital admissions, no upper respiratory infections, and no episodic flares, so in all he’s in pretty good shape for the shape he’s in! It’s been a long winter for him, though. I see him getting down from time to time with not being able to just go do whatever he’d like. We’ve avoided a lot of public crowds, restaurants, movie theaters, etc due to the influenza season being a large risk for him. Therefore, we’ve had a lot of quality time at home together. That’s been a good thing – we really like one another! 🙂 However, when my job gets busy and extra time is required, I tend to have a big dose of the “guilts” when I need to work longer hours and leave him at home, alone. He’s looking forward to spring when he can get outside more and enjoy nature. He has lung function studies in April and a check up in May (the check up comes every three months!), so more information may come, or not! It’s like you can’t wait to get a check up over because you wonder what news is going to be shared, yet you dread it all at the same time! I used to have a lot of anxiety leading up to the appointments, but I’ve developed a pattern now – the week leading up to the appointment I leave a lot of white space in my schedule so I have more concentrated time with God and my hubby. In addition, we now build in a stop for coffee or a meal immediately following to talk and process with one another and we PAUSE in prayer to thank God for a dedicated medical team and ask for continued strength on the journey. In my last post I shared how fixing my eyes on Jesus has made such a world of difference in my life, and that remains so true, but I have also found such comfort in serving other’s. I have a family that God connected me with that I just adore and love to help. I really don’t do THAT much for them, just a meal a few times a month, but they always seem so excited to see me. I adore the children – especially the one little boy who refers to my meals as a “complete meal”! lol!…I suppose because I always take dessert?! I just feel so joyful and elevated after blessing them. I have a dear friend that has a standard line that I have adopted (well, honestly I’ve stolen it from her!)….she prays “use me mightily, Lord”….. “for your glory”….. I pray that daily – sometimes multiple times a day and the more He uses me, the greater I feel – the stronger I feel – the more “complete” I feel. It’s my identity….helping other’s. So, while I’ll admit, my “blogging”…. Sharing!…. may be a bit forced right now, I do feel called, lead….I pray that this, too, will help other’s – or, at least ONE other! I’m beginning a new Bible study in a few weeks that I’m so excited about it, and with the sign up came a few free downloads. One of the download “quotes” that has no reference, so I’m just going to share it with you: “I want to be used by God, more than I want to belong to this world”. Wow! That’s now hanging in my office, in my home office, in my bedroom and in my phone to remind me of the Joy and Peace that comes from serving and fixing my eyes on Him, not of this world.
I must sign off, for now, as I have my usual Sunday-getting-ready-for-the-week things to do! But, please don’t misinterpret any of what I’ve just shared. I by no means have it all together! I do have it more together than I did one year ago, two years ago, etc…., but I’m still a mess and I’m still a work in progress. I still have days where Satan finds a way to worm anxiety, fear, and terror into me. I still have days when choosing joys is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard! I still have days that I want to pull the covers over my head and not face one single person – cuz if I did I’d probably rip their face off or not be very “light” shining! TRUTH! Yet, what I am learning, is to be kind to myself. When I have those days, I’m not honest with myself and those around me. Oh, I may not share the intimate feelings I’m having, but I remove myself from a situation in which I don’t feel I will be fed, or where I will leave a positive deposit. I give myself permission to just “BE” and when I choose to do that, I get into the Bible – the WORD is where I will find the strength to choose joy and choose to shine my light for Him the next day, or the next day after that (yah, I’m not the sharpest crayon, so sometimes it takes me a couple of days to get back into the game!). So, for those of you who really enjoy hearing me ramble, I leave you with this….Fix your Eyes on HIM! And, BE ONE for someone else….it’s helps put that “feel good” into you AND it shines your light for HIM!
Until next time….. SHINE! 🙂