…is the cutting off of unwanted parts, which is usually referred to an action with a tree or bush, but I am in serious need of a good pruning! No, I’m not having a mid-life and thinking of having an augmentation or face lift, though I realize my body could use a transformation, but my heart needs a transformation in the way of priorities….BIG time!!!
So, I was signed up to attend this women’s “thing” at my church this past weekend and to be very honest, I really didn’t want to go, and while it wasn’t the best conference/retreat that I’ve ever been to, God used a wise woman to capture what the unsettled feelings I have been feeling for the last month in one small, but insightful conversation. In my last post, I mentioned that I was keeping my “word” from 2014 to 2015 ~ INTENTIONAL! Well, I’m changing that….oh, being intentional WILL remain a goal, but I’ve been lead to a much better and much more reflective word…..TRUST! Oh, make no mistake, I DO trust God and, oh, I DO BELIEVE, but what I’ve discovered is that my TRUST in Him has not been very confident lately, actually to be very honest, my trust has been way more on the “controlling” side, which is exactly why my heart has been restless and I have been emotional and over-reactionary and, well, just not a very nice Jesus girl! I’ve even had more “potty mouth” then I usually do…and, that is NOT good! Not good at all!!! And, to be even more honest, my attitude…well, my attitude has just sucked!
To TRUST is to have confident hope, depend upon, to do something or believe in something without fear, to rely on the truth of, (my paraphrasing from many dictionaries)….. key words here just leap off the pages at me: WITHOUT FEAR, BELIEVE, CONFIDENT HOPE, TRUTH….as in THE TRUTH (the word of God)…..wow! Them there are some powerful words!!!! 😉
So, what’s gotten me so stirred up about this and how did I land in this chaotic, restless mess….I stayed home for 2 1/2 weeks to care for my husband and I liked it! I know, I know….I should have liked it, but no…..I REALLY liked it…..like I think I could just stay home for good! eeekkkkk….but I LOVE my job! And, it’s kinda difficult to stay home and do the job I love, so what the heck is going on with me….maybe I have multiple personalities or I’m just plain crazy?! Or, maybe I need to get a heart check….. what I do know is that it took my friend to say it for me, because I was so caught up in being restless and overwhelmed and in the drama of being behind (because one just can be off work for over two weeks without being behind!)…. and, yes, there is no maybe about it….I did need a heart check.
So, to make a long story short, I’m so very thankful that I have a loving father who knows my heart, even when I don’t know my own heart, and that He is not only loving, but forgiving, and even expects me to mess up. And, the bottom line here is that I simply need to get my priorities re-aligned and back in check….as my friend articulated it so well:
“stepping away from the fray is harder than staying in the fray!!! but eventually the fray wears you down and you can no longer be nearly as effective…all about balance….” wow! all about balance…..and balance for me is keeping my priorities and TRUSTING….giving my burdens to Jesus and, then, quit taking them back….leaving them at the cross and let Him do His work….His beautiful, miraculous work!!!
I heard some other very key phrases this weekend, some in the retreat, some from friends, and some from Jesus speaking directly to my heart. Following are some of the phrases:
“Embrace where God has placed you!”
“God gives Love, POWER of mind, and COURAGE!”
“You do not have to have self-confidence, just have confidence in God!!”
“you don’t always need to be doing!”
The last phrase “stop talking” is a direct message to me from God…I need to stop talking and focus, I need to stop talking and reflect, I need to stop talking and TRUST!
I’m fairly certain this is one of my most random blogs that I have written. It’s certainly not a beautifully written piece…it’s just where I am right now, and I felt lead to share….so, maybe something I have just written will be a light bulb moment for you …. just like my moment this past weekend. Whatever….whomever….just know if some of this speaks to you….you are not alone….we all get into the fray and, then, well, we need a little pruning and get rid of the unwanted and just….well, just TRUST!!